Omigod you guys. The producers decided to drag out our misery over the 70s into yet another episode. Some people pulled it together. Others very much did not. We got to see some people soar under pressure (Anya) and others act as if they’re expected to know things (Josh). We also learned that boring will lose out over crazy any day. Sad, right? Let’s get to it.
It’s really not as bad as the judges made it out to be. It’s entirely wearable. But perhaps that’s the real sin – it’s too wearable. I could walk down South Congress in Austin and see this on five ladies (or perhaps a hipster dude or two) if not purchase it in one of the boutiques. There’s a little neck tie thing coming from the collar that is really, really weird, and there’s a dart in the breast that just screams “NIPPLE!” What I think everyone forgets here is that Anthony is actually colorblind. He went for two patterns that looked really good together. I think he missed the mark on color coordination; there’s an overwhelming sense of bland to this garment. I don’t fault him for it, but that challenge has to be surmounted if he’s going to make it as a designer. Poor boo.
The pattern almost makes this one work. I’m not sure what’s up with that left sleeve – why is it all white? – but this look almost succeeds. The problem here is the wide-banded horizontal pattern. That model is a stick, and she looks like a slowly expanding loaf of bread. Out of curiosity, I popped this image into Photoshop and de-saturated it a bit to see if I could get some feel for how Anthony might actually be looking at this print. Honestly, it works. It looks exciting. But there’s a simplicity here that, when paired with the other looks, definitely cements him in the bottom two. I just wish that “boring” wasn’t the last straw here, because his previous work has been pretty stellar. I guess this late in the game, boring is a death knell. I just don’t understand how that’s worse than “clearly confused and maybe smoking something.”
The watchword for today’s breakdown is nipples. Apparently 70s fashion design was replete with nippular accents. I just don’t understand it. How was she safe again? I mean, look really closely. The whole top portion of this jumper is constructed such that it looks like it’s grimacing at you. It’s ashamed of its own existence. The only interesting thing about this look from the front is the pattern, but it flattens out under the lights. The back of the look is not too shabby. Probably for the best, as most of us would prefer whoever’s wearing this item to be walking far, far away from us.
I like the t-shirt without the jacket. With the jacket on, it kind of washes out and could use some color. The jacket, of course, is immaculate. Everything about this look is so effortless but some well done. He makes tailoring look like making Jello. For my taste, I wish there was a little more color here. I know he’s not afraid of it because we’ve seen it before. This monochrome almost makes her look like she’s walking out of a Sunday comic. Other than that, there’s nothing to say here. The garment more than speaks for itself.
I. Want. This. Dress. Who wouldn’t? What woman wouldn’t want this dress? He made snakeskin chic again. The draping is flawless and the fade is delicious. And that skirt is lined! It moves that well and is lined. I can’t get over it. Why wasn’t this dress sold instead of Bert’s? I can’t wrap my head around it. Both of Viktor’s looks reference the 70s without going too far. You can see the inspiration being modernized and sexified. And I love it. Still monochrome, but who cares? It’s gorgeous.
Please allow me to be a little cliché for a moment: I want the whole damn thing, and I want it in three colors. I love this look, but I think I love it for all the wrong reasons. It appeals to my appreciation for camp, but it doesn’t look like high fashion at all. If this were a beachwear challenge, I’d say he hit a home run. He couldn’t have wished for a better model for this look, and as it is I expect her to be discretely wiping something from under her nose. It would have been a bigger success for me for the right reasons if there was something a little more disco fabulous about the bottoms. The booty shorts just aren’t doing it for me.
I… I can’t even. What did they see in this? What in the name of all that is holy did they see in this? Why is this being sold on Piperlime.com? AND WHY IS IT SOLD OUT? Ladies! If you want to pay me $98 to make you a two-tone toga party outfit I will most certainly do so. There’s nothing creative about this design! The muses in Hercules were more cleverly draped, and they weren’t showing their NIPPLES OFF TO EVERYONE. His looks are so disgustingly dated but the judges can’t get enough of this stuff. All I can picture is the lot of them huddled around a VCR watching a home-recorded tape of that stupid Vanna White movie where she was a goddess.
Also – NIPPLES.
This is at least bearable. The belt thing is weird and the design for the top is a little bit of a rip from Laura’s. Why is she holding a throw pillow? Lordy mercy, I just don’t have the strength. You all can see what’s wrong with this mess this week. Just picture me spitting out a really good gin and tonic when Josh’s looks walked on screen and you have my reaction. You’re welcome.
One thing I really can’t stand about 70s inspired looks are all the earth tones. This is a matter of personal opinion, as I think they make me and others look blah. Here, however, I can’t really complain too much. Anya worked this look with eleven dollars and fifty cents. She tried dying the muslin, but couldn’t get it just right. But she made it work. I’m floored. It looks expensive. Honestly, it makes me wonder why I spend so much money on clothes when I could just learn to make my own. The print – while not my taste – is vivid and eye catching. That top is ridiculous. There’s very little to criticize here. Bravo, I say. Can I still say that? Or do I have to say it’s the look of a lifetime?
I really wish this was more colorful. I would love it if all the black was a dark blue. As it is, I simply appreciate it. That’s not to say it’s bad, she actually had money to spend here. Funny enough, this look cost five times as much and looks as good as the first one. The belt looks like an afterthought, which is sad, because your eye is immediately drawn to it. My only concern is how would a woman with any rack to speak of actually wear this without busting out all over? That back is killer, but something about the sheer fabric with that pattern makes me bristle a little. The styling is perfect. For the first time in a while, I feel like the customer Anya is selling to is herself… and not in a bad way. She’s a former beauty queen with an eye for fashion and a taste for flair. Her vision is clear and her execution is usually deceptive enough to pass. And if you want it for yourself? It’s only a cool $198 on Piperlime right now.
I honestly didn’t hate this. I thought I did, but I didn’t. And you know, I think this would sell. It would have to be Dillard’s, but it would sell. The construction is solid, the detailing is spot-on, and it’s unique. I agree with Nina’s prison suit comment thought. The chevrons could work if they were in a different color. But for my money, I think this look is more safe than either of Kimberly’s.
It’s slouchy, it looks comfortable, it could function on the beach or on the town, but it’s just a little too drab. I love the pants. The way they move, the construction, the layering… all of it. But it couldn’t win the judges because it’s not enough, yet somehow Bert induced paroxysms of joy. I just don’t understand the judges sometimes.
So what did you guys think? Was Anthony’s work really worth the boot? Should Josh and his prints have been spent packing? Would you buy Bert’s gilded potato sack, and if so, why?! Let me know in the comments!